JAANE TU YA JAANE NA (2008)

THE NEW BIBLE OF BOLLYWOOD LOVE STORIES- GOSPELS FREE


Dare write a stupid comment against us. Pappu.The force shall get you. The ghost of eternal Bollywood Cliches shall come to haunt you.


PS:If someone liked this movie, then don’t read it. I saw this movie long time back. I am writing this thing after the demise of a love story. The eternal cliched love stories.

So do you or don’t you, I mean have you or haven’t you seen this movie .So after this movie was released, there were two species of people in this world, one who had seen this movie and the other who had not seen this movie. Thankfully there were no drawn swords or even blood thirsty zombies.But the world got divided. Remember Berlin wall as well as the Great Wall of China. Anymore walls, are welcome to comment their views in the comment box. I will be more than happy. So, Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Nah, is something like a mashed potato served with vodka. It has everything you have seen as well as everything you can think of. Nothing new. Nothing so great. And people loved this movie.

WHY?

I don’t know. I really don’t know. I have never loved anybody. I want to make a clarification here. All my love affairs have been one sided. Now what we were talking about. Why people liked JTYJN? Because people could identify themselves with this movie. Oh, yes.They dance in the road, organise a funeral service for a cat. Go on singing as the heroine is crying over a dead pussy.. sorry for the obscenity..PETA do you hear me...and voila, the hero, as sleek as Hercule Poirot dressed in butter, manages to solve the problem. He gets the heroine a new pussy. I mean a cat. And all this could have been solved so easily. But I forget that Mr. Tyrewala is no Wong Kar Wai or Kim Ki Duk or even Michael Haneke. My stupid brain forgets.I forget I am seeing a commercial potboiler with my friends.

So, the movie starts with four friends plus one disgruntled girlfriend of one of them waiting in the airport for someone called Jai and Aditi. And they tell Mala, the DGF [read disgruntled girlfriend, and I guess the only one to be sane but in the end loses her sanity, nothing but the big brother is watching you syndrome, she too falls in the trap] the immortal love story of Jai and Aditi, to bore us, the audience and to kill time. Its wonderful, to see five people going crazy over a love story.

[I remember, I was already squabbling , while my friends were going ga ga over this movie. The movie is the ruxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]

So, Jai and Aditi are the best friend. They also have four minions in their small time gang. They are Rotlu, Jiggy, Shaleen and Bombs. Rotlu cries, Jiggy i guess is a miniature form of gigolo, Shaleen i guess is a closet lesbian and Bombs, no there is no rdx in her. We can rest in pieces.

Aditi aka Meow is a despo. She is aggressive. She is dangerous. Remember, Don. Mujhein Jangli billio she khellna pasand hein.

Jai aka Rats in the otherhand is a phattu. A calm and quiet boy, mama kah dulara.

So what? Wait, yaar, this movie has no message to give you even if you try hard to look for it. It goes through a gritty, tight love story and emotional desperation of the lead protagonists, Jai and Aditi. That’s why Jai in the starting of this magnum [dh]opus sings kabhi kabhi Aditi which translates into sometimes Aditi I do wonder. And I remember those lines which Amitabh said to Rakhi in Kabhi Kabhi.. do correct me if I am going wrong here.

Jai and Aditi tries to get each other a soulmate, while everyone around them thinks they are the soulmate. And finally Jai gets someone by the name of Meghna who he saves from two monty pythonesque type baddie inspired by our very own Shakti Kapoor. And its a very ingenious way, I have to accept the fact. I have to. There’s no denying it. Why? There’s no fight. Just a simple word and the two baddies ran off. AIDS. Wonder. Those who have seen it will know. AIDS. Yeo, babeh, its AIDS. The Prachettian kind of humour.

Now, friendship between Aditi and Jai takes a plunge. Jai and Meghna does the rounds. Its love in the air babeh. Yes, Aditi sulks. Jai is least worried. And then Aditi gets a guy. And the story goes in for another Hitchcock based twist. Now what? Meghna is a dreamer. Ozzy would be happy. Mr. Tyrewala should have used I am just a dreamer track. Yes, Meghna is a dreamer. I mean she dreams and pretends that her parents doesn’t have a bad marriage. And Jai realizes that he loves Aditi. You tear-wasters, get the napkin ready. Hell yeah.
And Aditi’s hunk of a boyfriend is jealous about Jai. Yes, someone told him maybe. And then something happens. And Fellini’s Amarcord, Tornatore’s Malena and Cinema Paradiso comes into place, and not to forget its all Bildungsroman effect. Jai becomes a man. I refer these movies because it was all about coming off age. There are others. You can take your pick.In this movie to become a man, you have to thrash a man, go to jail and ride a horse. And Jai does all these things without getting into the superhero mode. And the mechanical expressions he give, whoa. Girls will drool. And how all this happens.

Here we go baby. Jai is a Rajput whose father was dare-devilish. He dies while fighting. So his mom brought him to Mumbai and told him that his father was a gandhi-phile and hated non-violence. But then how does this all change Jai?

The superevil fiance of Aditi hits her because he is jealous. Also he is womanizer bla bla bla just like the typical fiance of the heroine can be. Our man, yes, the man of the moment goes to his house and kicks butts. He is arrested and released in a hilarious way [see the movie you will know] and then what takes a horse and goes to the airport to stop Aditi. Why? Because after getting hit, suddenly she realizes that well, she has to study movie making. Hats off, I am stumped. Kya idea Sirjee.
And Jai, after becoming a man, finally stops Aditi in the airport. He sings a song. The police things he is a terrorist. They ran after him. They nail him. He starts singing a song. Remember movies where before going to the gallows a patriot sings a song. The same thing happens to our man. He sings. And the police commissioner who just happens to be a hindi movie buff asks the inspector about the song our man terrorist is singing.The Inspector sings ‘Jaane tu ya jaane nah.’ His voice is not so good as he is not the hero. But our man who has become a man finally, uplifting the spirit of nationality is singing and proposing to his lady love. LMAO. Our man gives the song a new effect.

Then the movie ends. Jai gets his girl. They get married and well, they go for a honeymoon and comeback. The happily ever after movie theory.It has to be. We Indians are suckers for happy ending.

So what now. the movie sucks big time. I watched because my friends forced me. I had no other choice. Imran Khan,[Jai] he can get the role of R2D2 anytime in Star wars. Mr. Lucas please hear me. Genelia D’Souza. Bwhahahahahah. She is hysterical. I would never want a girlfriend like her. I am single and I am happy. The others, can’t say. Naseeruddin Shah delighted me. The only good one in the entire movie. Oh, yes, Prateik Babbar as Genelia’s brother did a good job. Kudos to him. Long way to go. He was good so I spared him. But his dialogue deliveries should improve. That's my opinion.

My verdict. 1/10. The movie sucks big time. And those who loved this movie well, that’s your problem, not mine. The direction is aimless, the acting is nothing but disturbing and the screenplay just hops around. They are trying to be funny. But they can’t. Its like a live stand up comedy show gone wrong. The audience smiles because they feel pity. My request. Don't make love stories like this. It never happens in the real life, but still we as Indians will watch this piece of crap and think that yeah we Indians are the biggest romantics in the world.

There is a talk of a sequel. God, have mercy on me. And this post is dedicated to the demise of a love story. Cheers.

TRIVIA-This movie was copied from some Hollywood movies. I can’t remember the names right now. Sorry.

EPILOGUE-

A defeated me walking away as the movie ends. The rain comes falling down, my heart goes to the ground and I hear the chattering audience saying.. kitna cute banda hein, right.